My hubby and I just finished getting home from a long-awaited, much needed trip away. Where did we go? We took an fun and fabulous trip to Sin City, Las Vegas and we loved every second, except when we got the flu on our way home. We are now recouping from our poor sleeping habits and buffet overload, and catching up on a few things while we were gone.
Before this, my hubby was a Vegas virgin. He'd never seen it's enormity and me being now a third-time veteran, I was happy to show him the sites. But despite being there a few times, I never fail to learn something new there and even remind myself about things I forgot.
So, here is a little rundown of things I learned. I hope that you learn something too or at least you can relate to many of the things I say. And most of all, I hope you get a little chuckle along the way.
1. Leave crap weather like this at home. Don't hesitate. Yes, I know that the desert can be cold this time of year, but after leaving a mess like this, any measure of sunshine and the opportunity to walk out of a building wearing less clothing and sunglasses is something you will appreciate.
2. Go get a good cut and color before you go. Give yourself a manicure and a pedicure. Paint your toenails. You'll feel sassy and new. It sets the tone for the whole trip.
3. If you think you brought good shoes for walking, you are lying to yourself. Your feet will feel pain. Lots of pain and when they do, you'll be looking longingly at the folks that are riding those scooters with envy. Visions, will pop into your head about knocking them off and stealing them. Resist the temptation and buy the most orthopedic runners you can find. No, they won't mach your outfit, but after a while, you won't care.
4. Nothing is free. Your friends keep bragging about the free drinks or dollar margaritas, but in the end, they have a teaspoon of booze in them our you are spending your life savings on a nickel slot to obtain them. Stick to the free-poured half yards of booze for $15- $20 a pop and you'll get a good buzz on.
5. The guys wearing any Edmonton Oilers paraphernelia are always carrying a big-ass drink.
6. Vegas can be tacky. Embrace the tacky. Love the tacky. This may be the only chance to wear that rhinestone-encrusted shirt you bought on a whim and now look at in utter disgust and you will look normal.
7. You will be sucked into listening to a time share spiel at least once. Why? Because no matter how intelligent you are, if you are over 28 years old and live with your significant other, when you first arrive they secretly stamp "sucker" on your head at the airport. Don't worry, it slowly washes of in the shower.
But how can you not? Cheap show tickets, cash and all for 2-hours of your time to look at a time share. And we would have done it until they asked for a $40 refundable deposit to make sure you attend. Please refer to point #3.
There is no way in hell that I would ever place a deposit to see something you are trying to sell me. So after a while, even if you look 80 years old, you start to tell them you are under 28, and no, you don't live with that guy on your arm, you are just sleeping together.
8. With all that walking, you may think you are losing weight, and you may be, but after one buffet, it will mean absolutely nothing.
9. There is such a thing as "too much buffet".
10. There is no such thing as silence in this town. The slots, the music, the people. You will not escape it. You will begin to wish you were deaf.
11. After 5 minutes at the Fashion Show Mall, your ears will begin bleeding after listening to Apple's Ipod advertisement. It is so annoying, that you will run into the mall to escape it. It's quite a devious ploy.
"I tried to do handstands for you, I tried to do handstands for you. Every time, I fell on you, every time I fell, for, you-ooh-ooh, you-ooh, ooh, ooh ooh. For you."
You've been forewarned.
12. Dress up in that sexy designer booby shirt you found at Winner's and have previously had no occasion to wear it. Make yourself up like a million bucks and have a night on the town. Avoid the buffet and have a nice sit down dinner. Toast each other. See a show. Make a whole event out of an evening. It will be exotic. It will be romantic. You will feel youthful and sexy. It will spice up your love life. You'll thank me later.
13. If you are going to gamble, don't spend your time wasting away at a penny slot. Staring at a screen is not fulfilling.
Learn one or two of the casino games before you go and gamble at a table or two. You'll end up meeting a ton of people and have a great conversation or ten. We met people from Texas, Ireland, Toronto, and all over.
The dealers are a hoot too. They share in your joy when you win and share in your angst when you don't. And, if the dealer is too stuffy, run for your life. Their attitude sets the tone for the table. You will not have fun.
I got an old school dealer at one table, and can you believe the dude smacked my fingers not once but twice? I never did anything but raise my free hand to high, which wasn't any different from what I had done at any other table. Needless to say, I found another table quickly.
14. Go be a tacky tourist. Take a ton of pictures. Go see shows, exhibits and attractions. Like I said in #3, nothing is free, but if you don't stop and spend a bit of money on these things, I think you are missing out on a little bit of the magic.
There are simply a lot of cool things at those pricy little attractions. Wax figures (c'mon, I got to pose with the President!), shark reefs and touching real stingrays, seeing a 15-ton portion of the actual Titanic and real recovered artifacts, dolphins and tigers and lions close up, the list goes on.
It's fun, it's touristy, but you are missing out. Because really, where else in your lifetime are you ever going to see those things in that way again? You simply won't. Say what the heck and go.
If you take my advice, bring your Canadian Auto Association card (CAA, AMA, AAA, whatever). You'll save yourself a little bit on admissions because you'll need the extra cash where you can (again, see point #3).
15. Even of you don't plan to buy a ton of things, go shopping. Enter those designer shops tall and proud and like you bleeding cash. Pick things up, try things on. It is your one chance to play dress up, grown-up style. It is a fun fantasy and you are most likely never going to that chance again.
16. In the end, I liked the purses and scarves on the street better than most of the pricy, fancy-schmancy forum shops. Nothing wrong with that, eh?
Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed!!!!
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